This week’s blog, rambles unapologetically like a drunk at the village fair - engrossed in one subject, occasionally uttering obscenities but then suddenly yet inexplicably careers off unannounced to another area, without the foggiest idea why.

The most famous Lionel since Lionel Blair

With my penchant for sport, and football in particular, you can imagine I am getting rather excited about the ‘Greatest Show on Earth’ which all kicks off this Friday the 11th.

I imagine you are also getting excited. If you have to ask, it’s the World Cup dufus!

And if you are not excited, then please stop complaining. There are approximately 3,152 other channels. And there are an average of 3 televisions per household in the UK. And you all have computers so can entertain yourselves on you tube or mootube or whatever you’re having yourself, so away with you!

Sorry about the statistics, but by way of that rambling nonsense I wish to dwell on a shocking statistic.

Lionel Messi, the Argentinian boy wonder who plies his trade with Barcelona, is quite likely to be the start turn at the World Cup. He seems like a genius on the pitch, and he seems like a grand and humble lad off the pitch.

But the startling fact of the matter is that it takes Lionel Messi just 2 hours to earn the average industrial wage. Does he know that? What would he say?

It might be the shortest career in sports commentating history, but I would love to be the one to ask that question in a post match press conference. I don’t care if Senor Messi scores 6 goals per game, and also discovers a workable, efficient solution to all the problems of climate change. At half time.

It is just plain wrong.

It’s just ‘Plane’ Right

Some pokey judge in some pokey case recently came out with a statement where he vilified Ryanair.

He said something along the lines of: the problem for him is that when it comes to the truth and Ryanair, they make uncomfortable bedfellows. Well for me, nothing could be further from the truth. It does exactly what it says on the tin.

Guess what? Yes I flew Ryanair recently. And as I have documented here before, I love them. They are cheap, and who cares if they are sometimes not so cheerful?

But on the recent flight to Madrid (which cost me buttons), driven by curiosity, I made an impulse decision to buy a Ryanair scratch card, to perversely prove that you never win on those things, and definitely so whilst traveling with the skin flint of airlines.

And guess what else? I won a £50 flight voucher. Boy did I do the high fives.

Delighted with myself, I declared…

“Wow, so if I can restrict myself to securing 1p flights when I use this voucher, that equates to….”

……and while my slow brain worked on the ad hoc calculations, the stewardess kindly interjected with an answer:

“500 free flights!”, she helpfully declared.

I completed my own tally and came up with 5,000 free flights but decided to save her the embarrassment.

But you might want to check your change the next time you fly Ryanair to Madrid.

Grannies know best

You may recall my most recent book that was never published, the one that guaranteed that you would lose weight whilst also saving money: ‘Eat less. Move more. The End.’

Well a new book has found its way onto the shelves in the US. And the joyous thing about it is that it is all based on Grandmothers’ advice. The book is titled, Food Rules - An Eater’s manual, and is worth checking out.

I am a bit suspicious however, because the writer effectively sums up his book with seven words (as opposed to my book of six):

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

I’ll let you buy it and read it yourselves, but I love some of the grannies’ rules., some of which are below They all sound so simple, but when do we ever listen to simple advice?:

• Stop eating before you are full. German lore tells us to ‘tie the sack before it gets completely full!
• Buy smaller plates and glasses. A piece of research by the writer showed that by switching from a 12in to a 10in dinner plate caused people to reduce their consumption by a whopping 22%! Holy kamoly.
• Eat when you are hungry, not when you are bored
• Don’t get your fuel from the same place your car does
• It’s not food if it has arrived through the window of your car

And the best one of all, that addresses more the health aspect as much as the economy aspect:

It’s not food if it’s called by the same name in every language.